I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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