awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
