guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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