bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
