Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
