A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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