I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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