When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
