that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
