Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
