I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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