Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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