that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
