3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
