i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Acid is not a monday night drug
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
