Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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