i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
