I puked a lego.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
