I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think I am morally bankrupt
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
