Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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