...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
