I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
