i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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