YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
