If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
