He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
