i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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