So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
