dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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