I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
