Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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