Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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