I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
