I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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