I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize