So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
