YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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