nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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