evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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