I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
