So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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