hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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