I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
