I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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