i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
