i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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