We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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