New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
