"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
