There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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