We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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