Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
