The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i've created a new STD.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
