come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
