$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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