Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
