I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize