i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
