jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
