and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
