I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
