i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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