I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
