Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
