I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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