No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
