She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
