hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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