I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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