I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
