Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
