if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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