Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
