Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
