you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
