I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
