he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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