But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
