After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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