Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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