Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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