i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
