i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
