he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
