Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
