Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
