This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
