All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
