Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
