please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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