We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
