I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
