When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
