Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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