just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
